I start writing this the day before my birthday but it is almost twelve so it’s less than an hour before it. It isn’t that I couldn’t sleep but I haven’t tried. I have just finished a paper and I entered this website right after. I don’t know! I am writing as I am thinking. Of course, there is nothing significant to you, reader, about this day, but if you read my first post you’d know that really, I am indulging myself here primarily. I worry that I am sleeping too late because I do want to accompany my grandmother early for church, it feels right especially on my birthday. I am named after a saint.
I am not really a devout Catholic but I have no issues, unlike others, to be identified as one. I kinda have an odd feeling that I would be a spiritual woman in years forward. I don’t mean strictly in Catholicism, I don’t know maybe astrology or crystals or Buddhism. But also not in a way that it would control me?? I don’t know! I mean most of my reluctance to spiritualism is because I do not like the absence of control over my life. God makes me feel helpless and my natal chart makes me feel paralyzed. Though, there is no question for me that one must always believe in something greater than oneself. That could be the earth of course, it is. But that is not a matter of belief that is simply the truth.
I had a lot of fun earlier with a friend. I do not plan on going out tomorrow, just having great food with my family. I just divided these into paragraphs I don’t know I am thinking of a title maybe stream of consciousness cause it is. I joked about how that brief unplanned hang out was a birthday celebration and we laughed about it but I mean it. I have not celebrated a birthday with a friend, ever. Of course I have been greeted and been given gifts, but I rarely go out and rarely had friends since my teenage years, I am only starting to get back on my feet last year. I wonder if my making a substack is in anyway indicative of my loner self, or tendency I don’t know is that a self, an inclination, I think I would title this Minutes Before, an I don’t know I can’t remember what I was thin, oh is loner something that happens to you do I choose it NO who genuinely wants that
I stop now I started thinking of things I do not wish to write about at the moment. Thank you for reading! I am thinking of so much things to
I enjoyed this very much. Happy birthday by the way.